Never Apologize, Never Explain Psychology Today. President Obama has been taken to task for comparing ISIS and other terrorist groups to “a JV team wearing Lakers uniforms, which doesn’t make them Kobe Bryant.”  Then came the attack on Paris.  Did he apologize for his misjudgment?  Of course not. We know that Donald Trump’s “eyewitness” report of American Muslims celebrating the fall of the World Trade Center was wildly exaggerated.  His race- related crime statistics were complete fantasy.  Did he apologize for these errors?  Of course not. Why don’t people in leadership admit their mistakes and apologize for them?  More importantly, why in the world do we accept that behavior? We seem to be of two minds about what we want from our leaders. On the one hand, confidence is attractive and overconfidence seductive.  A recent study found that between two people of equal ability, over- confidence was the deciding factor in who will be more influential.  In the study, people who overrated themselves the most were rated more highly by the other participants on whether they “deserved respect and admiration, had influence over the decisions, led the decision- making process and contributed to the decisions.”  Baseless overconfidence gained social status and leadership points. It is not the most accomplished individuals, but the ones who are convinced (self- deceived) of their own ability that impress us. If you have to convince others that you’re better than you are, it is helpful to convince yourself first.  Ignoring, excusing or otherwise denying mistakes supports the self- deception. Like lying, rudeness is another characteristic that most of us find disagreeable, but which we associate with power.  In one experiment on the subject, participants watched two videos of a man ordering a meal at a sidewalk café.  In one, he behaved politely.  In the other, he was obnoxious:  he put his feet up on a chair, flicked cigarette ashes on the ground, and rudely order a meal.  The rude and obnoxious man was rated more likely to “get people to listen to what he says” and “get to make decisions.

While our instincts may pull us toward the overconfident leader who acts beyond the limits of civility, our better natures find themselves at home with a different sort of leader: the humble leader. In the business world, humble leaders are increasingly valued. CEOs and other leaders in far- ranging fields – military, manufacturing, financial services, retail and religious – agreed that humility was the quality that served their organization best.  The humble leader has integrity, the courage to admit mistakes, and provides a model of growth for followers. Instinct pulls us toward the narcissistic leader on whom we can project our wish to be larger than life.  Maturity leads us toward the humble leader who is competent and wise.  As President Eisenhower put it, “you do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership.”We must choose our leaders with care and discernment.  Communities get the leaders they deserve.

Join Renee on Tuesday eventings, 6 PM Eastern on Armstrong Williams Show, Siriues. XM Radio Channel 1. Check out her  brand- new column in The Washington Times .  http: //www.

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